Cathy Christiansen

I am often asked:  Who really needs to do an estate plan? 

I have lots of favorite answers to this question (a subject for another blog).  However, if you are a middle-aged adult, my immediate answer would probably be “Your parents!”   This is especially true if you are the “child” who will ultimately be responsible for administering your parents’ estates.

Asking your parents whether they have an estate plan can be difficult for both you (the adult child) and the parents.  Children may not like to face the fact that their parents will, someday, be gone.  Parents may not like to face their own mortality.  How can you have this conversation in a positive way, without appearing to be a gold digger, just waiting for your parents’ demise?  Here are some suggestions:

1.      If possible, address this subject BEFORE your parents are very ill or are hospitalized.    Your parents should not feel like you are just waiting for them to die.  However, if you waited too long and one of your parents is ill, don’t put the conversation off any longer.  Some attorneys who work with elderly and terminally ill clients will do hospital calls if necessary.

2.      Try to include other family members in the conversation, but avoid the appearance of ganging up on your parents or trying to influence their decisions.

3.      Start the conversation by focusing on life rather than death.  For older people, the most important parts of an estate plan may be a durable power of attorney or an advance medical directive rather than a will.   Mention that a good estate plan can give a person more control over their assets, insure their privacy and document their health care choices.

4.      Talk about your own estate plan.  Don’t try to tell your parents to do something you haven’t done yourself.  If you have recently done an estate plan, you can discuss it with your parents and ask their advice.  This could easily involve asking them if they’ve done an estate plan.

If you have had a consultation with an estate planning attorney, pass on the information that you gained at that meeting.  Bring up the reasons that it is so important to have an estate plan.  You can also “quote” your attorney, saying that she told you to find out about family plans and the location of important documents.

5.      If your parents tell you not to worry about it because everything is under control, don’t just let it go at that.  Your parents may have an unfunded trust, an unexecuted will, or an unsigned power of attorney.   Many estate plans fail because they are not properly executed and/or maintained.  Encourage your parents to have their estate plan reviewed if they haven’t done so in the last 3 to 5 years.  Ask them questions about when the documents were executed.  If you feel comfortable and, especially if you are to be an Executor or Trustee, ask for copies of the documents.

6.      Tell your parents that you learned that “no plan” could mean additional heartache and expense for those left behind.  I hear many stories of terrible rifts in families that came about because of arguments over how assets would be divided when a parent died without an estate plan.